As Valentine’s Day approaches, hearts race, roses suddenly quadruple in value, and Cupid flits hither and yon, spreading love and romance the world over.
Or so that arrow-flingin’ weirdo would have you believe, but the art world has known better for centuries. Turns out, Cupid’s just a pudgy little creep. When you join one of our fun, flirty naked scavenger hunts this Valentine’s weekend, keep your eyes peeled for times when Cupid was the literal worst.
1. That time he and his friends robbed some sleeping ladies
Cupids Disarming Sleeping Nymphs, National Gallery of Art
2. That time he shot a woman mid-drawing—three times!
Young Woman Struck with Cupid’s Arrows, Brooklyn Museum
3. That time he enslaved some girl and led her around on a sausage leash
Cameo with the wedding of Cupid and Psyche, or an initiation rite, Museum of Fine Arts Boston
4. That time he beat up a defenseless goat man
From Cupid and Pan, Getty Center (via Randy Robertson)
5. That time he hugged a pigeon while Adonis broke Venus’s heart and went off to die
Venus and Adonis, Metropolitan Museum of Art (And yeah, Adonis totally died.)
6. That time he stole Carmen Sandiego’s beehive
Venus with Cupid the Honey Thief, Metropolitan Museum of Art
7. That time he fully kicked his mom in the butt
Cupid Kicking Venus, Philadelphia Museum of Art
Visit the public calendar for adult and family scavenger hunts, Cupid-ful and otherwise, this weekend and beyond.